We’ve all been there. That little voice in our head whispers: “If I get that promotion, then I’ll be happy.” Or maybe, “If I lose ten pounds, then I’ll finally feel good about myself.” This “if this happens, then I’ll be happy” thinking, while seemingly harmless, can actually be a subtle trap that prevents us from experiencing genuine joy and contentment in the present moment.
It’s a seductive illusion. It promises happiness is just around the corner, contingent on achieving a specific milestone or external circumstance. We diligently chase these “thens,” working tirelessly towards that raise, that perfect relationship, that dream home, believing that only then will happiness bloom.
But what happens when “then” arrives? Often, the initial euphoria fades. We may feel a temporary lift, a sense of accomplishment, but the promised, lasting happiness feels… elusive. And sometimes, we achieve the goal and find that it doesn’t bring the fulfilment we expected at all. Suddenly, a new “then” emerges. “If I find an even better job, then I’ll really be happy.” The cycle continues, and we remain perpetually chasing happiness just beyond our grasp.
The Problem with Conditional Happiness
This “if-then” thinking is problematic for several key reasons:
It Delays Happiness: It pushes happiness into the future, making it dependent on external factors we may or may not control. It teaches us to postpone joy until some future point, essentially telling ourselves we’re not worthy of happiness now.
It Undermines the Present: By constantly focussing on what needs to happen before we can be happy, we miss out on the potential for joy that exists in our current lives. We fail to appreciate the small pleasures, the everyday moments of beauty, and the simple gifts of being alive.
It Creates a Moving Target: Happiness becomes a moving target, forever tied to external achievements. As soon as we reach one “then,” our desires shift, and a new “then” emerges, perpetuating the cycle of dissatisfaction.
It Fuels Disappointment: Life is unpredictable. Sometimes, we don’t achieve the “thens” we set for ourselves. When happiness is contingent on these outcomes, we set ourselves up for disappointment and frustration. We may feel like failures, not because we are, but because our happiness was tied to something outside our immediate control.
It Fosters a Sense of Lack: “If-then” thinking emphasises what we lack in the present. It reinforces the idea that we are incomplete or insufficient until we achieve that specific “then.” This can erode self-esteem and breed a feeling of constant striving without true satisfaction.
Breaking Free From the Cycle: Finding Happiness Now
The good news is, happiness isn’t a destination to be reached, but a state of being that can be cultivated in the present moment, regardless of external circumstances. Here’s how to break free from the “if-then” trap:
Acknowledge the Pattern: The first step is recognising when you’re falling into “if-then” thinking. Pay attention to your internal dialogue. Are you constantly telling yourself you’ll be happy when…? Awareness is the key to change.
Practice Gratitude: Shift your focus from what you lack to what you already have. Take time each day to appreciate the good things in your life – your health, your relationships, a beautiful sunset, a warm cup of coffee. Gratitude anchors you in the present and highlights the positive aspects of your current reality.
Embrace the Journey, Not Just the Destination: Find joy in the process, not just the outcome. Whether you’re working towards a career goal, fitness goal, or personal project, appreciate the learning, growth, and small victories along the way. Happiness can be found in the effort and progress itself.
Focus on Internal Validation: Shift your source of happiness from external achievements to internal values and strengths. Cultivate self-compassion, prioritise your well-being, and find satisfaction in living a life that aligns with your values. Your worth isn’t determined by external accomplishments.
Practice Mindfulness: Bring your attention to the present moment. Engage your senses fully in whatever you’re doing. Mindfulness helps you appreciate the simple moments and find contentment in the here and now, rather than constantly chasing future “thens.”
Redefine Happiness: Understand that happiness isn’t a constant state of euphoria. It’s a spectrum of emotions, including joy, contentment, peace, and even moments of sadness or challenge. Embrace the full range of human experience. True happiness isn’t about avoiding negative emotions, but about navigating them with resilience and self-compassion.
Happiness is not a reward for future achievements; it’s a skill to be developed in the present. By breaking free from “if-then” thinking, we open ourselves up to experiencing joy, gratitude, and contentment in the everyday moments of our lives. Stop waiting for “then” and start embracing happiness now. You deserve it.
Worldwide Temple of Aurora 