The Pyrotechnic Paradox:
As the holidays approach, the air is filled with the sounds of festive cheer and the faint scent of gunpowder. Yes, you’ve got it, it’s that time of year again when otherwise seemingly intelligent people suddenly become experts in the art of setting things on fire and scaring the living daylights out of everyone in a ten-mile radius. That’s right, I’m talking about the annual tradition of lighting fireworks to celebrate any and all occasions.
Now, I’m not one to rain on anyone’s parade (or make a large, explosive crater in their front garden), but it’s hard to ignore the fact that this beloved pastime seems to coincide with a mass outbreak of temporary stupidity. Now, I’m not saying that these people are normally brain surgeons or rocket scientists, but they’re usually able to remember how to make a cup of tea and turn the TV on. But as the date of the next firework event draws near, their intelligence seems to fade faster than the colour from a sparkler.
One would think that the constant injuries, property damage, and general mayhem caused by these pyrotechnic parties would be enough to give even the most committed firework fanatic pause. But no, when confronted with the harsh reality of the destruction they’ve wrought, these fanatics have but one response: “Duh, it’s for the children.”
Ah yes, the children. The magical beings who, despite being terrified of the loud bangs and bright lights, are apparently the sole reason for this senseless tradition. I mean, sure, you could argue that there are other, less destructive ways to entertain the little ones, like, I don’t know, maybe reading them a book or taking them to a park. But where’s the fun in that when you can watch them cover their ears and cry while their pets hide under the bed, quivering in terror?
And let’s not forget about the waste of money. I mean, sure, we could spend that money on something useful, like feeding the hungry or housing the homeless. But where’s the fun in that when you can blow it all on a few seconds of noisy, smoky spectacle? I mean, who needs food or shelter when you can have the thrill of watching a Roman candle shoot flaming balls into the sky?
But perhaps the most distressing aspect of this whole firework fiasco is the impact it has on our furry (and not so furry) friends. Animals of all shapes and sizes are terrified by the loud bangs and bright lights, causing them to flee in panic, sometimes with tragic results. And don’t even get me started on the environmental impact of all that smoke and litter. But hey, who cares about the long-term consequences when you can have the short-term thrill of making a deafening noise and creating a pretty pattern in the sky?
So, as the holidays approach and the sound of fireworks once again fills the air, let us all take a moment to reflect on the strange phenomenon of seemingly intelligent people who, for a brief time, lose all sense and reason in the name of tradition. And let us also remember the real victims of this annual display of pyrotechnic prowess: the animals who cower in fear, the environment that bears the brunt of the waste, and the rest of us who have to listen to the inane justification of “it’s for the children.”
But hey, at least the children are having fun, right? Right?
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A recent poll shows 75 per cent of Daily Express readers voted for fireworks to be banned.
Worldwide Temple of Aurora 