As children grow up and become independent adults, it is expected that parents will also adjust to this new phase of life. However, there are some parents who continue to exert control and manipulate their adult children, even when they are no longer living under the same roof. This behaviour can be detrimental to the mental and emotional well-being of the adult children, and it is important to understand the psychological profiles of these manipulative parents in order to break free from their toxic influence.
Firstly, it is important to understand that manipulative parents often have deep-seated insecurities and fears. They may have a fear of losing control or a fear of being abandoned by their children. This fear drives them to constantly manipulate and control their adult children’s lives, in an attempt to maintain their perceived sense of power and importance. These parents may have a lack of self-esteem and use their children as a source of validation and self-worth.
Manipulative parents also tend to have a narcissistic personality. They have an excessive need for admiration and validation, and will stop at nothing to get it. They may see their children as an extension of themselves and expect them to fulfil their unmet needs and desires. They may also feel entitled to their children’s time, attention, and resources, and use guilt or emotional blackmail to get what they want.
Another common trait among manipulative parents is a lack of empathy. They are unable to understand or consider their children’s feelings, needs, and desires. They may dismiss their children’s emotions as trivial or use them to further their own agenda. This lack of empathy allows them to manipulate their children without any regard for the emotional consequences.
Manipulative parents also tend to have poor boundaries. They may see their children as an extension of themselves and have a blurred sense of where their own needs and desires end, and where their children’s begin. This can lead to enmeshment, where the parent is overly involved in their child’s life, making decisions for them and not allowing them to make their own choices.
These parents may also use emotional manipulation tactics such as gaslighting, where they make their children doubt their own reality, or playing the victim to garner sympathy and attention. They may also resort to using threats or aggression to get their way.
So, how can adult children of manipulative parents break free from their toxic influence? Firstly, it is important for them to recognise and acknowledge the manipulation. This can be difficult, especially if the parent has been controlling their lives for a long time. Seeking therapy can be helpful in gaining a better understanding of the dynamics of the relationship and developing coping strategies.
Setting boundaries is also crucial in dealing with manipulative parents. Adult children need to assert their independence and communicate their needs and boundaries clearly. This may be met with resistance and push back from the parent, but it is important to stay firm and consistent.
In some cases, it may be necessary to limit or cut off contact with the manipulative parent for the sake of one’s own well-being. This can be a difficult decision, but it is important to prioritise one’s own mental and emotional health.
Manipulative parents of adult children often have deep-seated insecurities and fears, a narcissistic personality, a lack of empathy, and poor boundaries. Understanding these psychological profiles can help adult children break free from their toxic influence and establish healthy boundaries in their relationship with their parents. Seeking therapy and setting boundaries are important steps in breaking free from the cycle of manipulation and establishing a healthier and more fulfilling relationship with one’s parents.
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Helpful reading:
1) If You Had Controlling Parents, by Dan Neuharth, Ph.D.
2) Toxic Parents, by Susan Forward, Ph.D.
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