Emotional blackmail and FOG are psychological concepts introduced by psychotherapist Susan Forward in her book, ‘Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You.’ These terms help explain the dynamics of manipulative relationships and provide strategies for breaking free from them.
Emotional Blackmail
Emotional blackmail is a form of manipulation where individuals use fear, obligation, or guilt (FOG) to control others. It involves making threats, implying negative consequences, or playing on a person’s emotions to get what they want. Emotional blackmailers often use phrases like:
* ‘If you leave me, I’ll hurt myself.’ * ‘You should be ashamed of yourself for not doing what I ask.’ * ‘I’ll never forgive you if you don’t help me.’
FOG: Fear, Obligation, and Guilt
FOG refers to the three primary emotions that emotional blackmailers exploit to manipulate their targets:
* **Fear:** The blackmailer threatens the target with negative consequences or loss if they don’t comply. * **Obligation:** The blackmailer makes the target feel responsible for their happiness or well-being, creating a sense of duty. * **Guilt:** The blackmailer guilt-trips the target into feeling bad for not meeting their demands, making them feel like a ‘bad’ person.
How Emotional Blackmail Works
Emotional blackmailers use FOG to create a cycle of manipulation. They first establish a pattern of threats and demands, then guilt-trip the target into compliance. If the target resists, the blackmailer escalates the threats or guilt-inducing tactics. Over time, the target becomes conditioned to give in to the blackmailer’s demands to avoid the negative consequences.
Breaking Free from Emotional Blackmail
Breaking free from emotional blackmail can be challenging, but it is possible with the following strategies:
* **Recognise the manipulation:** Identify the FOG tactics being used and recognise the manipulative intent behind them. * **Set boundaries:** Clearly define what behaviours are acceptable and unacceptable, and enforce them consistently. * **Focus on your own needs:** Prioritise your own well-being and refuse to be manipulated into doing something that goes against your values. * **Seek support:** Talk to trusted friends, family, or a therapist about the manipulation you are experiencing. They can provide emotional support and help you develop strategies. * **Consider legal action:** If necessary, consider legal action to protect yourself from physical or emotional harm.
Emotional blackmail and FOG are powerful tools that manipulators use to control others. By understanding these concepts, we can recognise and break free from manipulative relationships. Susa Forward’s work has significantly contributed to our understanding of emotional manipulation and has empowered individuals to take back their power from those who seek to control them.
If you’d like to know more, you can visit Susan Forward’s website here: https://susanforward.com/author
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