Life throws curveballs. Sometimes they’re minor league softballs – a delayed train, a burnt dinner. Other times, they’re major league fastballs aimed right at your head – job loss, unexpected illness, global pandemics. In these moments, when circumstances are undeniably out of our hands, a simple, almost dismissive phrase can offer unexpected solace and strength: “It is what it is.”
On the surface, “it is what it is” might sound like resignation, a shrug of the shoulders in the face of adversity. It can even feel passive, as if we’re giving up or simply accepting defeat. However, when we delve deeper, we discover that this phrase, far from being a sign of weakness, is actually a powerful tool for navigating the inevitable uncertainties of life, especially those we can’t control.
The true strength of “it is what it is” lies in its acceptance. It’s an acknowledgment of reality, without judgement or resistance. We live in a world where we crave control. We meticulously plan, strategize, and strive to shape our lives according to our desires. But the universe, often hilariously and sometimes cruelly, has other plans. Traffic jams happen, economies fluctuate, and unforeseen events disrupt even the most carefully laid plans.
When we encounter these situations where our influence is minimal or nonexistent, clinging to the desire to control is a recipe for frustration, anxiety, and deep unhappiness. We might find ourselves caught in a cycle of “what ifs” and “should haves,” replaying scenarios in our minds, wishing things were different, and battling against the very fabric of reality. This mental and emotional energy expenditure is not only exhausting but also entirely futile. The situation, undeniably, is what it is.
This is where the mantra “it is what it is” becomes incredibly useful. It’s not about liking the situation, or saying it’s good or desirable. It’s about acknowledging its existence as the current reality. By saying “it is what it is,” we are:
Reducing Resistance: Resistance to the uncontrollable is a major source of suffering. Imagine being stuck in traffic and constantly honking your horn and getting angry. Does it change the traffic? No. It only elevates your stress levels. Similarly, internally fighting against an unchangeable situation creates inner turmoil. “It is what it is” helps us release that resistance and the associated negative emotions.
Freeing Up Mental Energy: Worrying about things we can’t change is a drain on our mental resources. Acceptance allows us to stop dwelling on the uncontrollable and redirect that energy towards things we can influence. Instead of obsessing over a flight delay, we can use the time to read, work, or simply relax.
Promoting Emotional Regulation: Acceptance is a key component of emotional regulation. When we accept a situation, even a negative one, we can begin to process our emotions more effectively. We can feel sadness, disappointment, or frustration without being overwhelmed by them. This allows us to react more thoughtfully and less impulsively.
Shifting Focus to the Controllable: Once we’ve accepted “what is,” we can then shift our focus to what can be controlled – our response, our next steps, our attitude. If we’ve lost a job, we can’t magically undo it. But we can control how we respond – by updating our resume, networking, and approaching the job search with resilience. “It is what it is” clears the mental clutter, allowing us to see the path forward more clearly.
Cultivating Inner Peace: In a world often characterised by chaos and uncertainty, finding inner peace is invaluable. Accepting the uncontrollable, as embodied in “it is what it is,” is a cornerstone of this peace. It’s about recognising the limits of our power and finding serenity within those limitations.
It’s important to note that “it is what it is” is not about apathy or giving up. It’s not a license to be passive in situations where we do have agency. It’s about strategically deploying our energy where it matters most. When faced with a truly uncontrollable situation, recognising “it is what it is” is not about surrendering to negativity, but rather about strategically surrendering to reality in order to gain a foothold for positive action and inner peace.
So, the next time you find yourself facing a situation beyond your control – whether it’s a global event, a natural disaster, or a personal setback – try whispering “it is what it is.” You might be surprised at the sense of calm and clarity it can bring, allowing you to navigate the storm with greater resilience and ultimately, find peace amidst the unchangeable tides of life. It’s not always easy, but embracing this principle can be a liberating and surprisingly empowering step toward a more balanced and accepting life.
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